Run, and don’t look back!

3 Jan

I struggle to get excited about New Year’s Eve.

New Year’s Eve seems more about the closing of the year rather than the one beginning; it is a reminder of all that is lost or faded away. The year 2012 was a big one for me, living five months in New York, one in Paris, and the rest in Canberra to graduate from my degree. Some friendships were sadly lost, I made many mistakes, and there was much struggle and heartache.

But there were also good times. Before the clocks ticked over to 2013, I had to reflect on all the amazing experiences that are now only memories. Time in New York, travelling through Boston and Tennessee, staying in London with my best friend, eating croissants every day in Paris… all these adventures are lost in the haze of memory and the passing of time.

And also, on the 31st of December, as the hazy pall of evening descends on the city, it’s impossible to become excited about something entirely unknown. What will 2013 hold? Will there be as much joy, discovery and growth as 2012? Will the new relationships I develop be just as rich and rewarding as those in the year past?

And the fireworks, although beautiful, exacerbate these thoughts. There’s something achingly sad in their beauty. Something so large, bright and loud: who else, at the same time, can see what I see? Can the people no longer in my life (ah, the heartache) see them too?

…And are they thinking about me?

New Year’s is about the passing of time, things that no longer are, the reluctant closing of a door.

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(Photos taken in Rose Bay, Sydney)

But something in me has shifted during these first few days of the new year. I have gained a new attitude, and I am attributing it to an evening spent with my dear friend Thea. Lost in deep leather chairs in the muted light of a wine bar (at 3 Weeds, Rozelle), we drank champagne and looked through the photos of our 2012 London adventure. And rather than mourning the passing of those experiences, it became a celebration and general thankfulness for them having happened at all.

This time last year we had no idea we would even be in London, let alone envisioning the most incredible ten days we’ve ever spent together.

And as I listened to Thea talk about her upcoming year, her excitement and eternal optimism was catching: I suddenly realised that New Year’s Eve should really be all about hope. Hope for experiences and relationships better and brighter than any I have ever known. Hope for growth, learning and challenges. And ultimately hope that we can be together in a year, looking forward to 2014.

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So what will 2013 hold? Eesh… who knows?! All we can do is emulate such childlike wonder of these two, especially in the face of confusion and the completely new.

All I know is that I’m not looking back. 2012 – and all that entails – is in the past, and it’s staying there.


Now, let’s run headlong into 2013 and, most importantly, DON’T LOOK BACK!

Ever hopeful, signing out. xoxo


2 Responses to “Run, and don’t look back!”

  1. Ange. January 3, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

    You write so well, you think so deeply and you are so insightful. Happy 2013 you’ll make the most of whatever comes your way.

    • clouisehodder January 4, 2013 at 6:50 am #

      Thankyou so much Ange! May you have a richly blessed 2013 too, full of love and laughter. Xx

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